We create anger internally. And what we create we can control. The root causes of anger are hurt, fear and frustration. “Heal these, and the anger never manifests,” says Janet Pfeiffer, our speaker at tonight’s meeting. Ms. Pfeiffer is President of Pfeiffer Power Seminars and the author of The Secret Side of Anger.
Being hurt causes us to feel powerless, so we get angry to restore a sense of feeling powerful. Fear leads to anger out of the feeling of helplessness that comes from a lack of trust in others—and ourselves. “If I’m confident, I don’t feel fear,” affirmed Ms. Pfeiffer. Frustration comes from trying to control—and the need to control—what you can’t. Rather than become angry, we have to know when to stop and say “enough!”
So how do you avoid becoming angry? By controlling how we respond to these triggers. That change begins with our thoughts and ends with better outcomes in a method Ms. Pfeiffer calls “TECO Magic.” Thoughts generate Emotions which lead to Choices that result in Outcomes. Change the thoughts, and everything else changes as well. Ms. Pfeiffer declared that “your personal power comes from your ability to choose your thoughts.”
Find an appropriate time to talk with those who hurt you. Explain how you are affected and come to an agreement about what each of you must do to avoid future hurt. Failing that, remove yourself from the situation (job, relationship, etc),…or accept things as they are.
Ms. Pfeiffer stated that anger is not always bad. “You can take anger and channel it into something productive—a constructive change.” But anger is inappropriate when used to do harm.